someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
