But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
