I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
