Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize