My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
