Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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