Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
