My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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