I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
