So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize