he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you had me at cake vodka
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize