At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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