I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
