ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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