i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
