this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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