You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
