You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
