just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
