I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
