A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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