just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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