if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
