i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
