So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
