somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
