Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it because I queefed?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
