Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have aggressive nipples.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
