Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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