is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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