Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
