Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
