My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Never let your siblings swipe right.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
