why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
