and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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