I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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