He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
