And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
