Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
