i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
