Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
