Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
