already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
