I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
