i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
