then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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