I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
