ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
