that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
