What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
