My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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