I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
