So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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