Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
