Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
