Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
