i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
