im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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