just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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