u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
