DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
