i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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