i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You pole danced in your parka.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
