So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
