he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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