Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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